Caregivers Need Community. The Importance of Feeling a Sense of Belonging

The number of family caregivers has jumped to 63 million Americans, representing a 45 percent increase, or nearly 20 million more caregivers, over the past decade, according to a joint report by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC). The rise of caregivers is not a secret, yet numbers alone do not tell the whole story.

We know this is a crisis, and as someone who has cared for children as well as adult parents, there is a quiet and hard-to-quantify price to pay: the loss of meaningful connections.

The Mom Years

I'd like to briefly touch on caring for our children. This time of my life was challenging for sure. Many "firsts" and the need to keep "up leveling" skills mounted by the day. Working full-time, juggling two active boys, playdates, healthy meals, after school sports, wanting to spend time with my husband, and trying to find some time to myself. Something had to give, and at times those "somethings" were also "someone's." There are a group of friends that dropped out of the regular rotation because our kids were younger or older or had the sniffles too often. Whichever the case, it is a transition that no one really talks about. But before you know it, things change, and we figure out that making new friends isn't just for kindergartners.... it's also something we all do. Why? Because we need connections with people who we can relate to and share something with us, whether that is a hobby, sport, or having children of a certain age.

The Experience of Caring for an Elderly Parent

Caregiving for my father was a whole different experience, but I didn't expect that a few months into it I would feel a similar sense of loneliness.

My father was a strong and silent type, the dedicated provider, and the stern disciplinarian. However, only a few months after my mother's unexpected passing, his brain cancer diagnosis hit all of us like a crushing avalanche. When he first came to live with us, he was able to walk and talk and enjoyed having friends come to visit. However, as his illness progressed and he lost abilities to hold conversations and even get out of bed, the visits and calls lessened until they almost stopped completely. Decline. It's a nasty word when it comes to health and aging.

During this time, I knew "logically" that this social change was temporary, and that it was important to spend this precious time with him. I spent days, nights sitting next to him, watching movies, telling him the play by play of the best scenes. Listening to music and telling him about his grandchildren.

As the days turned into months, I began to realize I was experiencing a sense of loneliness of my own. I missed the ability to leave the house and meet a friend, go to the grocery store, or even attend a conference for work. I missed the man my father was before his illness took over. I missed the friends who stopped calling and visiting because they weren't sure what to say. I can't blame them; I understand that everyone is going through something, and sometimes we don't have the capacity for someone else's "something."

Now imagine how many caregivers share this experience.

Addressing Loneliness

It's true that loneliness is an epidemic, but perhaps it is one of the simplest epidemics to solve for. If we have the courage to show up for one another, stretch a little out of our own comfort zones, and put away our digital devices one evening a week for a new experience (yoga, breathwork, meditation, a walk, trivia night), even if you are solo. Smile at someone and know that you may have been that person's lifeline even with that small and free gesture.

Building Community Through "Poses and Prana"

"Poses and Prana" was born out of my desire to teach yoga and breathwork and also create a community of like-minded professional women who enjoy travel and new experiences. Many of our members don't have the time to plan, so our retreats handle the planning but also leave time to include self-care, and time to unwind and build lasting friendships.

We are going to Santa Fe next month and are planning two more retreats next year. One in the Hudson Valley, NY in the Spring and the second in the Fall (Iceland is at the top of the list). We are all caregivers in one way or another, and we look forward to these events to continue to nurture our spirits and build on the connections that are being made.

This is small in comparison to the growing need for a sense of belonging, but it's my way of starting. One step at a time and showing up with a smile.

If you would like to learn more and be among the first to know about our next adventure, visit PosesandPrana.com and join our community.